12.12.12.

I'm 95% only posting because it's 12.12.12.

the other 5% 

is because my brain 

has reached it's capacity for the moment...

who's sick of seeing status' about it?
I kind of am, but in all reality... it's really cool!
It only happens every 100 years and I (we) got to witness all 12 of the repeated days.

aren't we special. (whoopty doo)

here's the 95% reason:

and here is the 5% reason:

one more final and I am officially done with my first semester as a cougar freshman.
I would consider it a highly successful semester.
xoxo

finals week

three words:

first. finals. week.

BAH! That's all I can think! I am fetchin' nervous... I just don't know what to expect!
How much do I study? How hard are they going to be? What if I fail? WHAT IF I'M STUPID?

clearly, I'm freaking out.
so for everyone else who is experiencing these feelings, let me make things better:

watch this: a smile will emerge, I promise.

look at these. they are oh so true. 

wish me luck. && now, I need to stop procrastinating studying... AND SO DO YOU! :)

xoxo jos

constant battle

being 'fit' has never been, nor ever will be, easy for me. it's mind-boggling really that no matter how much I exercise & how well i eat... I still don't love the way I look.
It's hard. & today happened to be one of those days...
luckily pinterest knew exactly what to say:

i can't express to you enough how much I needed this quote. 

there have been so many days that I've lived where I truly have hated myself.

not anymore.

I needed this one too.

&& simply for kicks & giggles,

these were a must because they are oh, so true.

[even though I wish they weren't]

so it's a constant battle, but a battle that I ultimately win.

because I'm doing it for myself, and not for other people

I am grateful for my body, and I will love it, because it's good to love yourself.

a full tummy & a grateful heart

granted I'm 5 days late... but thanksgiving was wonderful!
it was so nice to relax, and not do school work for a few days. it truly was marvelous.
I probably gained a couple pounds, get over it. I did. the food is always divine, and I love being with my family. setting up for Christmas afterwards is a blessing... but my most favorite-st part of Thanksgiving is reflecting on all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.
I truly could go on forever as I reflected this past week on all I have, but I'll keep it concise:

• The gospel
• My family
• My home
• My health
• My opportunities I have had through out my life

and to make it even more special, Thanksgiving fell on my momma's birthday this year! You'd never guess how old she turned, because she always looks beautiful. 

moving out, I've realized all that my mom has done for me. She's taught me so many things that I took for granted, until I am on my own and I have to do them myself:

 My momma taught me good fashion, which I am forever grateful.  

She taught me how to clean a house [a very important skill. trust me] & to always make it smell good.

     oh. and how to decorate. She is aaaaah-mazing.

She set an extremely high bar for cooking slash baking, and boy do I miss home cooked meals.

She showed me true happiness growing up: laughing & making jokes are vital for living a good life.

She has pushed me to be my best.

&& most importantly, she taught me that I am a strong girl, with a brave testimony. 

I am very thankful for her, and so very grateful that I am blessed with the greatest best friend there could be. && I'm grateful that I was able to realize she was there for me when no one else was--I'll forever be grateful for her, and the young woman I'm becoming because of her.

I love you mom, forever & always.

breakdown

today everything that has been building up:

• my test scores
• my lack of sleep
• my massive amounts of reading/homework
• my stress
• my annoyance
• my grades

All came out, and rather than in my own room where my pillow could comfort me, it was right in front of my sociology teacher.

All of it.

I did awful on the test, so I went after class to talk to her.

naturally, I started to feel tears prick my eyes, but I was determined to hold it in, because how embarrassing would bawling in front of a professor be? (it isn't high school anymore)

But they kept coming, gathering in my eyes. After a few more pathetic attempts to hold them in, I let them come, and boy, did they come.
college is hard: harder than anything I have ever done. I am constantly being stretched to my limit, and I feel like I'm going to snap at any moment.
and of course, today was the day.

luckily she is the sweetest lady ever, but I still felt embarrassed.

really, I could not be more thankful for this break. HALLELUJAH. 

growing up

thirty:: a picture of yourself today and 5 good things that happened to you during this challenge//

 1) I became happy again.

2) I learned that things happen for a reason, and God knows what He's doing.

3) I moved out, and I'm attending the College of my dreams

4) I am growing up; and I like who I'm becoming

5) I seriously have met my best friend and roommate ever.

I love my life. && I love that this challenge is over.

finished

TODAY, i am finishing up the challenge.
judge me.
i don't care!

day twenty five- something you are looking forward to

thanksgiving :)
I seriously love November
1) because it is absolutely gorgeous outside
2) thanksgiving is in 21 days
3) that means I have a break from school
4) CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNER

November is good :)

day twenty six- your dream wedding..

gah.

I have never been, and never will be one that plans my wedding.

until it comes of course.

they are too much work.

but I do know one thing,

I want my boyfriend to propose to me while someone is secretly taking a picture like so:

thing number 2 that is a necessity:

A FALL WEDDING.

but other than that?

hopefully I don't have to plan it for years.

twenty seven- a picture of your city and whats great about it

current city: Provo

prettiest campus award: BYU

but really, you can't look at that and say it isn't GORGEOUS.

i love where I'm at right now...

twenty eight- what stresses you out::

right now?

- I have two major tests to study for

- 4 essays to write

- 75 pages of Beowulf to read

- a museum to visit and write a paper about

- a Book of Mormon final project to do

and my friends. this ain't high school. it is hard.

and so, THAT is what stresses me out.

twenty nine- three confessions

1) i like BYU creamery ice cream, WAY too much.

2) I never knew I was like my mother, but I can't stand a filthy house. (gag)

my roommates are quite filthy

3) I think I'm trying out for cheer once again...

I'll keep you posted.

life goes on

day twenty four- something you've learned

I'm awkward
I laugh a lot
I trust people I shouldn't
I'm quiet at times
I smile too much
I get left out
I like to be able to be myself
I try to look pretty, but give up too often
I've been hurt more than I should have
I don't like my appearance at times
I'm not perfect

But I've learned that I'm just going to be me and see where life takes me, and remember that life goes on,

actors are better than you

day twenty three- movies you quote the most

you know those people who don't stop quoting movies, and you think the whole time... 

SHUT UP?!

yeah, i'm definitely NOT one of those. 

like really, I kind of hate them.

not really, but in the moment I do.

movies are awesome;
nothing better than cuddling under a blanket watching a movie.
I love them.

but the actors say the lines perfectly,

I don't need to hear them from you either :)

partly, my hatred stems from jealousy.
I can't remember quotes for the life of me.

but it's obnoxious. 

kind of like this post.

I'm a wee bit tired of this "blog challenge"

that's why I do multiple posts in a night.

or I just don't post for a month..

both seem to work beautifully

i need a fortune teller

day twenty two- what do you want your future to be like

I seem to have no idea what my future is going to look like...

I started BYU two months ago positive that Psychology was my career.
psssh. I couldn't be over that any sooner.
so now, i change every day...
i need to work with people, and i need to help them.
[it says so in my Patriarchal Blessing...that's kind of important]
today I though about being a dietitian. (except that word is really hard to spell)
but then, someone told me about being a ultra-sound technician.
$$$ in the bank. and only 5 years total of school...

really, all that i want is someone to tell me what to do. 

other than that?

i'm a joke.

- I want to travel the world, is that too much to ask?
- I want to be rich so I can wear nothing but Nordstrom clothes 7 days of the week.
each day with a different pair of boots of course.
well, and i have to be rich to travel the world...
- I do want children, like a lot. being a mother would and will be the greatest joy in my life.
however... i am 18. I want to live my life before marriage and children and all that accompanies them.
- that being said, I will be married. but no sooner than 23. well, that's kind of a stretch, because if i meet "Mr. perfect" i will obviously adjust my ways.
buttttt , i am so dang picky, I don't know if Mr. perfect will ever come my way.
I need to take care of that.
- also, now this whole "sisters, you can go on a mission at age 19"
welp, that'll throw you for a loop. Where did that come from? (other than the Lord of course)
-here's another: to try out for cheer or to give it up?
am I over my dream? sometimes i feel like I am. but then I tumble in front of people, and yell crowd encouragements at games...
i don't think i'm over it yet.
so this poses a conflict- do I serve a mission, or do I try out for cheer?

I feel like my 3 favorite words of lately have been, "I DON'T KNOW"

so RIGHT now, I am taking a new motto. Thank you Kung Fu Panda for your infinite wisdom.

"Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present"

I'm going to love my life, and be prepared for whatever the Lord bestows upon me.
and that my friends, should be a good future.

home is where the heart is

day twenty one- something you're proud of

HA.

I am proud of my house.

[write me: 2126 n 170 W #249

Provo, UT 84604]

seriously, don't be too jealous that yours doesn't look like this:

 yes, we made this board. It has cork, chalk, magnetic, && white board.

people are supposed to leave us cute notes

they never do

 we are feelin' festive, of course

we're cute, we know.

[we also know correct grammar]

don't judge us [me]

i'm the one who wrote the quote....

yes, we handmade these pillows.

my room has the exact same decorations as my old room.

[minus the bedding.. i made it]

It's like bringing apart of my home to my new house.

I love this place, every day it feels a little more like home.

come visit me//visitors are greatly appreciated.

what if's.

day twenty- something you wonder "what if" about

I SERIOUSLY am the world's worst blogger:

this blog challenge was supposed to be 30 days//it's been spanned across like 30 months. okay, not really. but something close to that. like 3 times 30 days or something.
don't judge me.

whoever said that high school is the best time of their life NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE.
It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I fail tests, and average about 5 hours of sleep at night. but it's better than anything else i have ever experienced.

Now, what I wonder what if about?
....
well...

nothing.  I could not be more blessed right now. I love who I am becoming, and I never thought I would say that.
I am so grateful about what's going on in my life right now, i don't need to wonder about what could have been's and what if's.
I can now see God's hand in my life more clearly than I ever have been able to before, and boy, am I grateful He knew what i needed more than I did.  
The church is true.
I have never been so sure of that in my entire life.
Christ knows ME.
and He knows you, and loves us.
boy, I love BYU and the things it's taught me.

when you wish upon a star...

day nineteen- what you wish for at 11:11

there are a lot of things i wish for:

i wish i could fly.
i wish i was rich.
i wish i was taller, skinnnier, prettier.
i wish i could sing.
i wish i was smarter.
i wish i had a boyfriend (some days)
i wish i had a mini cooper//cream, convertable, black pinstripe down the middle.
i wish i could eat an entire bag of oreos everyday, and still be healthy.
i wish i butter was good for me.

but as i am growing up, i'm realizing that "a poptart a day keeps the hot body away"
i am never going to be exactly whta i wish i was..
i can't sing
i can't even look at an oreo without gaining weight,
i'm not rich,
and i can't fly.
but i'm happy

all i can do is hope and pray and have faith in my Savior that i am doing the best that i can, and hopefully I can become the best me there is.
no 11:11 wish is going to do that for me,
i have to do it with the help of my Lord, my family, and the people who care about me.

my hero

day eighteen: something you miss.
(in all reality, this whole "30 day challenge" has taken me much, much longer.)

My beautiful cousin Will Jacobs passed away at age 13 on September 22nd at 3:00 AM.

I missed him everyday already, but now I miss him more. He was the most loving, compassionate person that has ever walked this earth.
My words don't do it justice, but my Auntie Anja's do...

"If you ever want your opinion agreed with...express it to Will. If you ever want your confidence boosted...hang out with Will. If you ever want to learn impeccable manners...listen to Will. If you ever want to increase your patience or long suffering...watch Will. If you ever want to laugh in the face of adversity...giggle with Will. If you ever need an attitude adjustment...follow Will. If you want to know there IS a God...meet Will."

I am so grateful for my little cousin who I used to always look up to for being so darn funny, and extremely complimentary. When he got sick, I realized that my little cousin, who I rarely saw, was my hero and I am so lucky that I had the opportunity to be in his family.

I love this little boy more than words can describe, and I really, really miss him. I know he's in a better place... he was in so much pain. He never showed it though, just told people he was sorry and he that loved them..

Will has left a legacy behind him-a legacy of joy, love, and never letting life defeat you.
It isn't necessary for me to say, but "God be with you till we meet again" Will.

happy. :)

it's been a long time...
College is kicking my butt with homework, but I am so grateful to be here and to get this good of an education.

As I walk around campus (which is absolutely beautiful), I realize that I am happy.
geninuely happy. It's been a long, long time since I've felt this way.

I realized as I hustle to each class, that I am happy with who I am becoming.

music is life.

day seventeen: put your ipod on shuffle, first ten songs.

1. Boston-Augustana
2. Days Go By-The Offspring
3. Forever-Chris Brown
4. Skyway Avenue-We The Kings
5. All About Us-He is We
6. Second Chance-Shinedown
7. Blown Away-Carrie Underwood
8. Come on Get Higher-Matt Nathanson 
9. Promise-Allred
10. Stand in the Rain-Superchick

music is life, and I definitely love it all :)

frequency.

day sixteen: seven things that cross your mind a lot.

first. college ROCKS! I seriously have loved every single second of it. yes, I've gone to 5 days. yes, I will be swimming in homework and reading. and yes, I am a giddy school girl. but I seriously am in love. college is 518575 times better than high school. I promise.

seven things that cross my mind a lot? I over think everything, so this will be easy.
1) boys, boys, boys. really i'm not boy crazy. but I come to college and all I see are HOT men. not boys. MEN. granted I avoid them because I'm not getting married. but whew!! good lookin' is an understatement.

2) "WHY IS LIFE SO EXPENSIVE??" books costed me $372.83. really?

3) I need a job. a job where I can do my homework, work whenever I want, and get paid at least $10 an hour. does that job even exist? I haven't found it yet...

4) people are spectacular. my wonderful cousin Will (the one diagnosed with brain cancer one year ago) was able to speak to Bill Cosby because of all of you.

5) I love scholarships. Regents base plus exemplary equals $400 tuition to BYU.

6) I want to lose weight, but I want to eat that cookie... normally eating the cookies wins. boo.

7) WHEN IS FALL COMING? I literally am ITCHING to wear scarves and boots and cardigans and drink hot cocoa for breakfast. I cannot even wait to see BYU campus in the fall. *sigh* I love college.

death row

day fifteen: death row meal.
(p.s. moved out wednesday... and i LOVE it!! more pictures coming)

due to my recent move out, and lack of money, I have lived on wheat thins... And so, my death row meal would look a little like this:

THANKSGIVING.

it seriously is one of my favorite meals, of ever. and with fall vastly approaching, I have an itch for pumpkin pie and hot cocoa for breakfast.

my mom makes rolls, and the best turkey ever. with a side of homemade noodles and world famous mashed potatoes. top it with some delictable salads and well all the other fixin's that are apart of thanksgiving dinner.
seriously i love it, and I cannot wait for fall to roll around the corner. i'm tired of walking to school and sweating to death.

15 years young.

august 21, 1997 I was blessed with a "little" brother.
a brother that taught me how to fight, how to defend myself.
a little brother that has brought the true meaning of patience in my life,
and a little brother who has taught me life is better when you laugh.

so happy birthday coleman, i love you more than you know. :)