in loving memory

I've only been to one other funeral in my life,

& that was my cousin Max's.

he passed away at age 2.

I was 5.

I hardly remember anything, the only thing I can faintly recall is looking at my baby cousin in his cowboy gear, as calm as a summers sky.

My paca Max's funeral was a little different.

1. I remember everything that happened.

2. We were celebrating his life, not mourning for the loss of years.

3. I bawled the entire time.

The funeral service was wonderful.

Of course it was horribly sad, and it was a good thing I didn't bother with make up that morning (smart move), but it had such a positive emotion floating through the chapel that I can't quite but a finger on.

He isn't suffering any longer,

and he is in a better place.

That's what was going on through the minds of my family because it is the truth.

Of course I will miss so many things about him.

*his humor.

*his hard work

*his laugh

*his love

But I'm grateful his battle to live, breathe, is at it's end

and hope & pray that all those who are suffering will no longer have to.

 

 



long time no... full?

today was a good day.. on Monday, I finally got cleared to tumble and stunt (like I wasn't before, shhh)!! my knee is doing 1000 times better, and I am ready to take on the impossible. && so that's EXACTLY what i did. a week before cheer camp I wrecked my knee. but that didn't stop me. I continued to stunt and tumble, even though my knee was popping out left and right, and was as swollen as a basketball.. I threw multiple fulls, and my knee popped out only once. I made it to the "final 10" slash top ten at camp (cocky much? I apologize) and decided then & there I would pull another full. I could hardly walk, let alone tumble. but I did, and it turned out fantastic!!! that was June 30th. & that was the las full I've done. until tonight I was at BYU open gym, and decided I would pull it. so I did. 4 times :) I'm a happy girl, and am going to bed in a good mood :)

today's mood

i went to efy a few years back.

(okay 2 this summer)

and when i came home, ALL I did was listen to the CD.

today driving my sister to dance.

i found it.

and so i turn it on.

and this is on there.

i LOVE this song, and tears come into my eyes everytime i listen to it.

so,, my pleasure.

I Am His Daughter by Nicole Sheahan

rest in peace;; paca max

Waking up at 3 in the morning to the sound of your mother's tears, is something you never want to experience...

backup: remember my paca max? he was diagnosed with lung cancer for those who don't. At 2:30 am, I woke up to use the restroom (two much information? sorry). when I went to bed, I couldn't fall asleep, my mind was racing-thinking of the things I need to do this week. but I mostly was still awake because I heard my mom talking on the phone. No, not talking, sobbing. In my heart I knew why-a phone call alerting my grandfathers death-but I didn't want to believe it. I pushed the thought away and finally fell asleep..

My dad woke me ups his morning at 10. he told me to come into their room-my mom needed to talk to me. Still hazy from my nights sleep, i didn't put two and two together. of course, it didn't take long for me to put my head back on my pillow and drift slowly back into a slumber. The door bell rang, and my dad sprinted up the stairs because he was just in his skiddies (sorry, tmi again) and sat on my bed. I jolted up, and he broke it to me. "Jos, your grandpa passed away at around 2 o'clock this morning.. He went peacefully, sitting on his favorite place." My aunt Jill told my mom, "the king passed on his throne."

My arms were thrown around my dad before I even knew what I was doing. Tears were streaming down my face as the realization of his death became prevalent. My thoughts last night weren't a nightmare, they were reality.

My paca max, the nickname jordon gave him as a little boy, is the one who taught me true hard work, bacon sandwiches-bacon a piece of bread and that's all- and gratitude. He never was baptized, but deep down, I know he believed.. Regardless, he was the greatest man to walk this earth. He is an angel, who adored his grandparents. I know that they were there greeting him into the spirit world..

As hard as it has been, it has been so much easier knowing what I know. My savior has a different plan for us, and for him. I love Him, and I love my grandpa..

senior year lessons

Although my senior year has not been all I thought it would,

I have learned multiple lessons.

1. My parents are my best friends. They brought me into this life, and have been here every step of my horrible senior year.
2. 
   People change. Best friends disappear. Stay true to who you are, keep your mind open and you may be surprised at who comes into your life.
3. Growing up is a necessity. The drama that happens now will not matter in a year. I promise, the sooner you grow up, the better the chances of a dramatic free life becomes.
4. Missing a dance party on a Friday night so you can watch a movie with your family is okay. No one likes trampy girls.
5. Boys like younger girls. It's high school culture to go for the fresh meat. Or juniors. hmm. I've gotten over it. Bring on the BYU boys!!
6. Life goes on even if you don't get asked to a boy choice dance. So what if you don't go to Sweethearts? Going shopping with your mom, and bowling with your older brother is so much better.
7. AVOID Pinterest until ALL homework is done. Self-explanitory.
8. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Tearing my ACL and Meniscus was NOT part of my plan for my senior year. But everything happens for a reason. If you remember that, life will be easy... easier.

I've learned that I'll be okay. I get through the day, do my homework, and chat with my parents. There is nothing wrong with that.