i am big.

so. it's been awhile since i blogged.

i've been so busy with school and work (and trying to pretend i have a social life) that blogging is the last thing on my mind.

that and i have nothing to say.

until a good friend of mine (check him out here) said, "josee. let's ask each other 20 questions & then answer them in blog posts." so here i am. we can answer one, two, in order or not. it's up to us. i'm excited for something to finally write about.
[even though it has taken me 2 months to start hehe]

question 7: what is one thing that terrifies you?
i am four feet eleven and, on a good day, ¾s of an inch tall.
Not a day goes by that I haven't been told I am small in stature. It would be easy for me to believe that I am insignificant and I will not make a difference.
However, I am big.
+ my personality is big.
+ my sense of humor, my love, my ambition, my testimony is all big.
+ my smile is big, my laugh is bigger, and it is quite contagious.
+ my integrity is big, and so is my virtue. They shape who I am and who i am striving to become.

but even though I am big in a lot of aspects of my life, it doesn't stop me from being terrified of failure. that is the number one thing that terrifies me. It seems like i've experienced a lot of failure in my life these last 3 years, and quite frankly, i am sick of it. but more then sick of it, i am terrified  of it.
the fact that i have to tell people i care about that i am not good enough, and that i didn't get in kills me.
it's been a problem actually. this fear has actually nearly stopped me from applying for things and trying out for other things. (how vague can i be? don't want to announce those "things" so i have to admit in failing) ((see? it's a real problem)).

but it needs to change. i need to remember that failure is apart of life. i have learned more then i ever thought possible cause i failed at something at one point in my life.
failure is okay, being terrified of it is not.
i need to remember that i am big. and my faith needs is too.

this sign is hanging in my room, and it actually is perfect for everything i need in my life right now.