as easy as 1-2-3

I have approximately three memories from kindergarten:
1// I always tried to kiss a certain boy, and my friend Capri (yes, that was her name) and I would alternate going under the table and the boy always went under when Capri did...not me.
2// I had the stinking cutest perm there ever was.
3// I learned the abc's.

when I was taught the alphabet, the letters were always compared to apple or banana, but never adorable or brilliant. (I guess the words vivacious & zealous are harder to remember than van & zebra, but that's beside the point.)
I was taught the abc's, but I wasn't taught to be the abc's.
I have grown up since kindergarten, except boys still don't choose me... so not much has changed...
but I have. and throughout the 13 years that have passed, I wish I was more like the alphabet..
-quiet: so I could listen to people and the world around me more..
-spontaneous: because I wish I had funner stories from high school.
-joyful: I spent so many nights upset because I didn't have "friends" or a "boyfriend". Who cares?
-original: I'm different in many aspects...I wish I would have embraced that more growing up rather than trying to mold myself into being something i'm not.
-watchful: along with quiet, I wish I was more aware of people who are hurting so I could have tried to help them.
-impressive: people don't remember me. and if they do it isn't because I changed their lives. I wish I tried to make a bigger impact on people's lives.
-good heart-ed: I feel like I have a good heart. but it could be good-er :)

but i'm still young...I'm still learning. so surely learning how to be the alphabet is still a possibility :)

josee maxena

I realize that I'm only posting because I don't want to write my paper... but oh well.

recently on instagram (josmaxena) there was the "tag 5 people and say 5 things people might not know about you" trend going on. I got tagged, but my 5 facts were stupid. I'm fairly sure everyone and their dog knew them. I truly enjoyed reading everyone's even though everyone complained about doing it.

anywho, because my five facts were common knowledge, I feel like I'll dedicate this post to "facts about josee" that people may not know. (you know, for all my faithful readers out there)

1// I have this obsession with gum; it might be a little unhealthy. there is hardly a moment when gum isn't in my mouth. if the stick gets gross, I spit it out and pop in another piece.
oh. and it HAS to be peppermint. extra has the best flavor, but it goes away too fast.

2// along with gum, I always have some sort of lip gloss/lipstick on. my lips are hardly ever bare.

I've spent a fortune on lip glosses over the years, but deep down Victoria's Secret is my favorite kind.

3// I go through stages via TV shows. I can go forever without watching a show, but if I start watching one, I can't do anything else with my life. I started Gossip Girl with my roommate this October, and WE ARE STILL ON THE 4TH SEASON. it's a good thing she is responsible because I definitely would have neglected everything, including school, and finished it by November. whatever.

4//even though I don't watch much TV i do have certain shows I keep up on.

The bachelor/bachelorette

Secret Teen--i love smut. judge me.

Pretty Little Liars. i liked it before it was cool

5// whenever I eat ice cream, drink hot cocoa, or have a bowl of cereal i have to have a glass of ice cold water following it.

6//speaking of ice, I also have an addiction to pebble ice. 

I even got a $20 gift card to Sonic for Christmas :)

A+

7// (my favorite number) people tell me I am very confident when I'm in a large group. and therefore I am kind of scary to approach. (people are stupid)

It's true: I know who I am, and what I stand for.

but what people don't know is that, 100% I am VERY self-conscious. 

I'm self-conscious of how tall, or the lack of height, I am.
my face is chubbier than it should be
and I don't like my eyebrows.
but on a deeper note, I feel nervous when I'm in a group of people, whether it is big or small.
i want to be accepted, but over all the years, i have been rejected by people.
so, i found something that works:
I have developed a "confidence" facade, you could say, that makes me feel more comfortable.
it's completely genuine, but my technique is to ask people as many questions as i can think of to
1) get to know them
& 2) get the attention off of me.
it works fairly well because i like listening to people, and people like to talk about themselves.
then after our conversation they realize they like me, only because I let them talk, and talk...
and talk.
about themselves.
sometimes I'm a genius.

8// I tell people I've kissed X number of boys, except it's a lie.

I've kissed more, I just like to pretend I didn't and un-count them.

it's a thing, right?

9// even though it isn't obvious, I actually love to run.

maybe if i laid off the sweets, it would show a little more.

eh, life is meant to be enjoyed, right Gordon?

10//  I'm an avid book reader.

i love to get into comfy clothes, wrap up in a blankie and lose myself in a book

where there are actually boys who i wish were real.

I like to forget my problems and just pay attention to theirs.

I definitely cry, and laugh out loud when reading.

I am very invested in the fictional characters lives.

judge me.