i'm not lonely when i'm alone

day nine: a song that makes you hopeful.
well I feel like this is a fun story.

DISCLAIMER: another tryout story, if you are sick of hearing about my life--i apologize.

Cheer tryouts are 2 days long with a couple of cuts in the process.

i made it to the last cut, & that's when my number wasn't called.

at that moment, I felt okay. I gave my beautiful cousin & my 2 really good friends a big hug because they all advanced and told them I'm okay and walked out of the smith field house.

it was then, on my trek to the car that i called my mom to let her know I wasn't going to be a cheerleader this year.

and that's when the tears came.

as soon as i heard her voice I just started bawling. What I wanted most in my life was out of my reach & there was nothing I could do about it.

once i got to my car, I cried a little more in the parking lot with my head resting on the steering wheel and wondered why this was happening to me?

I was talented; I knew I was a good cheerleader. What was wrong? what happened?

Why wasn't I good enough?

after those intrusive thoughts invaded my head for awhile longer, I turned on the radio.

instantly, words blared through the speakers. they were, 

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. stand a little taller."

obviously that made me cry harder, and I rolled down the windows and backed out of my parking spot while singing on the top of my lungs. well singing is a stretch. It was more of wailing and sniffling and wiping my eyes while yelling the words. it was comforting for me, but I'm sure all the bystanders and cars I passed experienced bleeding in their ears.

the notes faded to the close of the song & a commercial came on so i switched the station.

& guess what song immediately started?

yup. Stronger.

at that moment, I felt my Heavenly Father tell me, "'doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone,' I'm here; and you will be okay."

so that's my story. never been told before.. but these lyrics have really helped me overcome my sorrow.

I'm okay--i learned a lot about myself, and I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had to grow and meet new people. and to be a fan. that was fun too.

it took me awhile--this summer was a really low place for me--but i survived, and i was okay.

and you know what?

I think I am a little bit stronger.

I know that because I made it through this silly devastation & overcame it even stronger,

 I can make it through anything.

this song encourages me.

this song reminds me i'll be okay.

this song gives me hope.

stronger by kelly clarkson