a calling.

welp.
i got myself a new calling.
ward pianist.
i got called today at 12:50 pm. & i have church at 1:30. (that isn't important now, but it will be in about 7 seconds)
at first when he told me my calling, i was pumped. it sounded glorius. I played the piano in seminary & in young women's & in some of my classes at BYU. i should have no problem with that.
& then he asked me if i would play today.
like in 40 minutes.
and the piano pieces were already picked out.
& i have never played two of them.
great.
so i go up to the piano and play some prelude music, trying to get a feel for the pieces. & boy. was i botching them. my hands started sweating, something they always do when i get nervous.
and then my face started to feel damp.
great.
i was having an anxiety attack.
so the time comes for me to play Israel, Israel God Is Calling.
i know this sounds strange, but i have never played that hymn before. so i sight read it, & actually did okay.
i was feeling better.
then sacrament time.
hymn 184 & i aren't friends.
i BOTCHED that piece of music. and preparing the sacrament was taking quite a while, so i played after people weren't singing, and gosh.
it was bad.
so i went back to sit and just felt humiliated. never before have i played so badly.
thankfully i revived myself in the intermediate hymn as well as the closing hymn. but really?
i totally ruined the spirit.
so yay.
i was excited about my calling, but now i feel like i am going to have an anxiety attack before every sunday.

please, all of you, wish me luck.
i clearly need it.